Fly Blue Butterfly...Fly!: My first day

To fly or not to fly?

Pain has shaped most of my life. It seems to underly every emotion, action, thought and choice of my life. Do I use my pain gratefully as a contrast to help make hope, joy, love, and faith more noticeable or do I let it devour me until there is little left that is recognizable as me? Do I run or hide from my pain as if it were hunting me like prey or do I embrace it as a constant in life, similar to the grandest teacher? Do my struggles separate me from God or do I allow them to draw me closer to Him?

Join me in VISITOR RESPONSES to see how we use our struggles and pain in our lives.

I have always written in a diary since I was a little girl. I have chronicled several of the most difficult times in my life in them. My diarys have served as a way to keep me from giving up or going insane from the traumas while providing a way to envision future joy and happiness.

My mother gave me a new dairy to help me through this latest health struggle. A Blue Butterfly Diary. She penned this inscription...

Dear Kerry.
This book is for you,
my little butterfly,
so special and dear,
to record all your feelings
throughout the new year.
Stay strong and determined
in all that you do
and I know all your dreams & wishes
will definitely come true!
I am so glad that
I can enjoy
the journey of life with you.
Love & Hugs, Mom :)

Sadly, in my current condition, my hands hurt so badly sometimes from muscle fatigue that I cannot hold the pen for long. But I feel that I am being consumed by this current struggle. I need some way to deal with all the hopes, fears and tears of this illness. Typing is better and faster - so the Blue Butterfly Blog was born. I hope that it helps me keep a positive perspective on the struggles of life, while sharing part of me with the loved ones and friends who are missing me during this current challenge.

Fly Blue Butterfly...Fly!

The Struggles of the Blue Butterfly

Saturday, March 26, 2011

My first day

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